The heavy weight of grief

A very emotionally heavy period of grief for Frank was in the span of a few short years.  Researching Frank to the extent I have 1864-1868 and again in 1872 were times of much grief and unresolved emotions.

Frank's beloved Arabella and soulmate passed away of typhoid, July 27, 1864. Although independent self driven individuals they complimented each other. Her beauty captivated Frank and his self confidence captivated Arabella. Her death was one he grieved heavily for the rest of his life.

Frank, fatherless since his early childhood, began an earnest search for his father in the fall of 1864. He made contact with his father through Harvard classmate, Phillips Brooks. Arrangements were made to meet but the meeting never occured. Sadly and suddenly Frank received word his father died after a "heavy blow" to the head in what appears to be an attempted robbery in November, 1864.

By late 1864 the emotional weight became debilitating. His wife, dead. His father whom he never had the chance to meet again, dead. Close friends killed in battle. Thousand of men under his command dead. He could no longer persevere. Grieving and still feeling effects of his Gettysburg wound he took a leave of absence from the army.

Frank recovered and returned to finish out the war in March of 1865. The tone of his letters home changed. They began to illustrate more compassion towards the men in his command and empathy with sadness at their deaths.

Life continues... October, 1867 he remarries and his law practice is doing well.  Frank is known in social circles and respected. He is on a path of success.  He is elected NY Secretary of State, 1866-1867. Then more loss. In July, 1868, his mother dies. The official cause of death was insanity. Although, unable to substantiate, I have read one account, Almira's death may have been due to an accidental overdose. Her mental health was fragile and of concern to her children. Frank's letters frequently speak of this.

Frank's life continues. Next he is appointed U.S. Marshal for the Southern District, NY in 1869. His first son was born July 4, 1869 and second son October 11, 1871. January, 1872, he was elected as NY Attorney General. This year he suffered more loss. His younger brother, Richard, died from a fall on May 11, 1872 followed by his older brother, Edward's death two months later in July of a brief illness.

For as much as Frank was a public figure he kept much of his family life private. Behind the strict disciplinarian carrying a heavy calvary sword in battle to the  bold-outspoken man in the newspapers, Frank was a family man. He spoiled his children, attended social events in the Berkshires with his wife and daughter, proudly watched his sons each graduate from Harvard all while quietly grieving the losses closest to him.

His fighting spirit was the core of who he was. It was this fighting spirit that gave him the strength to persevere through life's most difficult challenges but a cloud of sadness was always with him. This 1874 description of Frank accurately states, "A slight, almost delicate form, yet as closely knit as that of a deer; a pair of strange, grey eyes; a well developed, classical head, a firm, expressive mouth, giving the features, in repose, an air of saddness; and you have an outline of General Barlow's physique."